Thursday, Aug. 21, 2003 - 11:32 a.m.

Things Go Better with Abstinence

When Anarchy Man moved into the garden shed which is my home a few months ago, he brought with him his Coke-addled lifestyle. Yes, Coca-Cola for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and all snacks. (Actually, we buy Safeway Select Cola because we can get it for just 89 cents for two liters.) Before Anarchy Man came I would only indulge occasionally for pleasure, as well as to relieve the monotony of telephone surveying. After he arrived, I couldn't think of a good reason to resist. After all, I love the sting of the bubbles, the sweet of the sucrose, the sour of the phosphoric acid, and the instant jolt of the liquid stimulant almost as much as he does. But now I'm tired of feeling like crap all the time. I'm tired of the jittery ups and the lethargic downs. And I fear an overweight, bepimpled future.

The madness has to stop, and it has to stop now. I hereby resolve not to drink any cola for at least a week.

So I cast aside the white man's sugar water, and fill my cup instead with the swimming pool aroma of city water.

I don't want a completly coke-less life. I just want to reduce my consumption down to a saner level, like one can a week. And abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. I will just cherish cola all the more the next time I have it.

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