Friday, Feb. 20, 2004 - 9:50 p.m.

Disorder

In this entry, I shall wallow in the American pastime of pop psychological diagnosis. I didn’t know it was just an American thing until one time when I was watching The X Files with a German friend, and Mulder said something about another character having the classic signs of “Post [alien] Abduction Syndrome”. At that point, my German friend decided she could take no more American insanity and couldn’t wait to return to German rationality.

Several years ago, My Very Busy Friend said he thought I had Attention Deficit Disorder. I was highly skeptical because I didn’t match the stereotype in a number of ways. I don’t think I’m the least bit hyperactive. I almost never get bored, and I did well in school until schoolwork started seeming meaningless after I was 17. But perhaps as proof that I do have ADD, I only got around to investigating the possibility just now.

I'm not seeking a new justification for self-pity, I don’t think a highly subjective description of behavior merits as medical condition. I was hoping however, that if I fit the mold then perhaps the ADD people have come up with coping strategies that could help me stop feeling like my life is spinning out of control. I’m not interested in their drugs. I only want to take drugs if someone is paying me.

So I found this test on the Internet, and my results follow:

“More than 20 checked items on the self ADHD test and Attention Deficit Disorder test indicates a strong tendency toward Attention Deficit Disorder or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.”

I think I exhibit the following traits strongly:

___ Is easily distracted.

___ Has increased anxiety or nervousness.

___ Procrastinates, especially with multi-faceted tasks.

___ Is easily overwhelmed by everyday tasks.

___ Has trouble getting started.

___ Starts projects but does not finish them.

___ Spends excessive time on homework. .
I read slowly, and occasionally can barely read because I can’t concentrate.

___ Has a tendency to drift away.

___ Gets upset by minor annoyances.

___ Is frequently tired.

___ Has trouble planning a series of tasks or activities.

___ Frequently daydreams or "spaces out.".
If any one behavior characterizes me, this would be the one. I wouldn’t give it up though, cause that’s how I produce my best ideas.

___ Has low frustration tolerance.

Somewhat

___ Has tendency toward obsessive behavior.
I do have a penchant for trying to be as comprehensive as I can. Even when it’s a poor use of my time. Such as this diary entry. But I have a hard time forming habits, good or bad.

___ "Blanks out" when taking tests or under pressure.
Usually not, though fear can paralyze me sometimes.

___ Has trouble maintaining an organized work or living area. .
I don’t know. I oscillate between clean and messy. And mess is almost entirely paper, which is why I eagerly await the paperless society.

___ Has problems with self-esteem. .
Yeah, but who doesn’t?

___ Avoids group activities or organized sports. .
Well, I probably avoided sports as a kid mostly because I was raised with the idea that the mind was to be exulted and the body was to be debased. I hate group activites that I don’t like, but enjoy the ones I do like.

___ Has difficulty waking up or feeling fully awake. .
Sometimes.

___ Has mood swings from highs to lows. .
I used to believe that emotions were for morons. I used to pride myself in not having moods. More recently, I had to admit that I have them. Damn it.

___ Become upset easily, is "thin-skinned." .
Again, what’s your standard? I used to get stressed and angry when people would ask me questions when I was on the chow line at Twin Oaks, but September 11th didn’t upset me at all.

___ Fidgets, even when sitting quietly.
What’s the standard?

___ Performs poorly under pressure.
What’s the standard?

___ Worries needlessly or excessively.
Maybe I only started doing that a lot since I left Twin Oaks and started worrying about jobs and money.

Marginal

___ Fails to finish schoolwork or chores. .
No, I used to finish them, mostly. Lately, I haven’t read my assignments for my complexity-in-biology class and my anarchist study group because I can’t seem to juggle all the tasks I want to do (and all my distractions.)

___ Is inconsistent with school performance. .
Hmm, I consitently got good grades until my senior year in high school.

___ Is often late. .
I’m usually on time, and when late, it’s usually minor. When there’s not a clear deadline, however, I can be hours, days, even years later than I want to be.

___ Does not work to potential in school, receives "not working to potential" teacher comments. .
I think I got that comment a few times.

___ Lacks attention to detail.
What’s the standard?

___ Startles easily.
What’s the standard?

___ Is sensitive to touch, clothes, noise or light. .
Touch, yes, but not the others. That’s just probably because I rarely get touched.

So only 13 definite ones out of a minimum of 20. Maybe I just need to muddle through life without a convenient catch-all label.

My Very Busy Friend has just designed this line of consumer merchandise in my honor. Behold, and purchase!

newest archive guestbook email rings profile Diaryland