Friday, Sept. 05, 2003 - 10:29 a.m.

Instead of a Post

So this evening Anarchy Man and I are off to our cult brainwashing weekend in the mountains. In lieu of a regular diary entry, here's the answers to the questionnaire I had to complete in order to get in.

Name: First: Nexus Last: Humectress

How did you find out about Naka-Ima?

My Very Busy Friend

Special dietary needs (if any):

None

Do you need a ride? yes___ no_X__ Can you offer a ride? yes___no_X__

Do you have children? No

Today¹s Date:__9/2/2003_______________

Answer all the questions on this form and mail it or email it, along with your payment (if applicable), within one week to:

What college, professional, advanced training, workshops, therapies, or transformative experiences have you participated in?

• 2 years college
• Nonviolent Communication
• Vipassana meditation

Briefly describe your state of mental and physical health. Include any chronic or recurring conditions(e.g.depression or angina).

Good. No chronic or recurring conditions.

How does your state of health affect your life?

Usually, I can maintain a good attitude even when sick. Of course, life goes better when healthy.

Do you use any therapeutic or consciousness altering drugs or substances?

No.

What/who has had a deep effect on you? Say how.

Becoming an anarchist- gave me a critique with which to understand the world, a mission to make my life meaningful, and a lot of disappointment and frustration in not seeing my goals realized, or even having a viable strategy to realize my goals.

Failing/dropping out of college- closed off traditional middle class employment options to me and socially and financially relegated me to the fringes of society, but that's where I was headed anyway. Having that bridge burned kept me from selling out, at times when rejoining the mainstream became very tempting to me.

Joining a commune called Twin Oaks, and living there over 7 years- I learned a lot about people, a lot about how groups function and dysfunction, and got clearer about my own need for purpose.

Leaving Twin Oaks after 3 years of disgust and disillusionment- it felt very empowering to break free of their system of mutal slavery and into the world of wage slavery. I was finally free to realize my dreams, if only I could come up with a workable plan and get the means to make it happen.

Learning Nonviolent Communication- I decided it was a truer and more effective embodiment of anarchism.

What/who have you affected? Say how.

I'm not sure how I have affected people. When I get feedback about it, it's usually positive. People say I'm a good listener. I've made some music that some people liked.

I helped my sister move out of my mom's house when she was 14. My mom still resents me for that.

What have you accomplished and/or created? Be specific and concrete. List as many things, both positive and negative, as are important to you.

• Starred in two musicals and one play in high school
• Drew a daily comic strip for my college newspaper
• Staged an art happening
• Immersed myself in the workings of Twin Oaks Community
• Became an exemplary tour guide
• Started a chapter of the First Millennial Foundation
• Made several websites for fun and/or profit
• Sang in an 80s cover band
• Got out of my dead-end commune
• Completed a 10-day silent vipassana meditation retreat
• Rapped in an anarchist industrial band, and did a half-assed national tour
• Learned Nonviolent Communication
• Learned the basics of complexity theory
• Kept learning and developing anarchist theory
• Wrote many good essays
• Began a bold strategy to break free of wage labor

Which of your relationships would be furthered by you being more honest? Name specific people and write what you could say to enhance your relationship. List at least three.

I'm pretty honest and open with everybody except my parents. With them, I tried being completely open, but that only provoked disapproving lectures and scorn. Holding back controversial information from them has worked pretty well to smooth the waters, but this doesn't satisfy my need for authenticity. I'm ready to try openness again, but I'm not hopeful that I'll be heard, understood, and accepted.

Are there aspects of your life with which you feel dissatisfied or resigned? If so, say how.

• I'm not yet making enough money to live off of from non-employment sources.
• I'm not devoting any time to making art and music.
• I have zero material self-sufficiency at this stage in my life.
• I don't have a girlfriend.

I'm probably resigned about a lot of things, but I'm so resigned about them, I'm not even conscious of it.

• That there's a lot my parents don't know.
• That our society is fundamentally cruel, foolish, and unsustainable.
• That the objectively existing universe can only be perceived by very subjective individuals, including myself. Thus, for all practical purposes, the universe is pretty subjective.
• That language is always an abstraction, a virtual reality.
• That the political left is manipulative, power-mongering, and guilt-tripping, and idealizes powerlessness and victimhood.
• That all humans share a common set of psychological needs. Thus, there's always a way to resolve conflicts to everyone's satisfaction.

• I always have a positive attitude
• I always have inner confidence
• I always have all the courage I need

• I'm consistently and sustainably making more than enough money to live off of from non-employment sources.
• I've self-published a book.
• I'm immersed in musical, artistic, and political projects that are fun and mean a lot to me.
• I'm positively affecting a lot of people's lives via the above, encouraging and enabling people's autonomous self-empowerment, voluntary cooperation, and mutual aid.
• I'm effectively discrediting the dominator paradigm to undermine the functioning of the repressive institutions of our dominator-model society.
• I'm living autonomously and sustainably, and helping others to gain the same material independence.

What fears must you face to create your vision now?

• Fear of going broke
• Fear of being imprisoned, tortured, or killed as an enemy of the State.
• Fear that my ideas will meet with rejection and apathy
• Fear of failure
• Fear of success- both the unfamiliartity and the responsibility

If you came to Naka-Ima on the recommendation of a friend, family member, or acquaintance, describe your relationship with that person.

Friend

Is there anything else you would like to say?

No.

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